6 weeks today

Today marks the start of my 6th week of pregnancy and it seems nausea is in full force and my triggers seem to be food and needles.

It all started with making chili last night, I was doing ok until I had to put the ground beef into the pot.  Then again this morning while giving myself my injection, I was very close to hugging the toilet after that. It does not seem as bad at the moment but I am still feeling queasy and the thought of food is putting me off.

We have a friend coming over for dinner tonight and I hope I make it without being sick!

5 wks 5 days

Today marks 5 weeks and 5 days along in this pregnancy and I thought I would keep track of my symptoms.

Breasts: Slight tenderness when poked (still slightly freaked out that they don’t hurt like before), have slightly gotten bigger so I have started wearing a sports bra as I don’t want to purchase larger bras until I am further along.

Nausea: A few times after meals or while giving myself the Lovenox injection but so far nothing too bad. Have noticed my sense of smell is getting stronger which doesn’t help with nausea.

Tiredness: I feel sleepy after meals and in the afternoons mostly. Sleep solidly throughout the night which is a nice change.

Bathroom Runs: Seem to be normal at this point, still looking at the toilet paper for blood every time I wipe (sorry for the TMI).

Strange Aches and Pains: I get this dull pressure under my left rib and I am not sure if its caused by gas? Sometimes feel small stomach cramps but not often.

Bloating: Throughout the day, it makes me look 5 months pregnant and super gassy

Other Strange Symptoms: My facial peach fuzz seems to be turning into a full on blond beard!

Mood: I seem to have no patients for my poor husband, hoping this goes away sooner than later! Have moments of doubt that this pregnancy will not stick and other moments where I want to tell everyone that Im pregnant. It’s still a rollercoaster…

Food Cravings: Haven’t had any as of yet but when I am hungry I have to eat right away..the hunger pains hurt like crazy.

PIO Shots: Husband has been doing a great job with doing my butt injection each evening. The injection sights are supper itchy and sometimes they sore but its nothing too bad.

Feeling like this is the 2ww all over again, except this time I cannot POAS to confirm everything is going well.  Just have to keep my mind occupied until next weeks ultrasound and hope and pray that our little guy keeps growing and staying strong.

 

Paranoia

My paranoia started yesterday when my boob soreness went away and I started wondering if we where losing this pregnancy like our past two pregnancies. Of course I could not help myself from using Dr. Google which is always a bad idea but all those stories out there just keep you searching for more.  I believe I used to be a sane and calm person before all of this…

So of course I broke down and emailed my RN with my concerns knowing it would be too early to see much on an ultrasound.  Can I just tell you how much I love the ladies at my RE’s office!  She called me right back and said I had every right to be concerned and why not stop by the office this afternoon for a scan before the weekend.

This definitely got my spirits up!  All the ladies are so welcoming as I came through the door (I’ve gotten to know them quite well by now).  They took a urine sample, weighed me and took my BP (which was high). Then it was time to strip from the waist down and get up on that lovely table with stirrups.

Dr. came in with a big smile and asked how everything was. She also reminded me how after having 3 pregnancies herself the worry does not go away.  She got right down to business and found the sac instantly!

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Today I am 5wks and 2 days along and so far everything is looking good, thank goodness! I feel so much better after seeing the sac and yolk sac this afternoon. We still have many more hoops to jump through along this journey but will be praying that this little nugget sticks with us through the next 8 months.

Every time I post, I think of all of you going through the same struggles. Know that you are in my thoughts and heart, I pray everyday that all of you will get your miracles sooner than later. Thank you for being my support group through all of the ups and many downs xo.

Could this be our Miracle..?

Could this be our little Miracle baby, is it too soon to be so hopeful?  Today was my second beta 14dp5dt and it came back at 2811 which the doctor said is fantastic and there is no need to have a third beta done.  I have to admit that I am cautiously on cloud 9 right about now.

The RN also called to schedule the ultrasound on May 31st which will be the day before my 7th week so fingers crossed they see the sac, fetal pole and hopefully a heartbeat. It will be another difficult two weeks with worry and doubts because who am I fooling, this is what happens after dealing with infertility and constant upsetting news.

 

Not getting a good feeling

Last night was a great night, I started getting some pregnancy symptoms like really sore boobs. I was pretty excited last night for the first time during this 2ww thinking that this might be our beautiful pregnancy that we have been waiting so many years for.

Boy that feeling did not last for long! I woke up this morning with brown spotting which I know can be anything but I am just not getting a good feeling about this. My doctor said not to panic that it happens and does not mean anything and to just hold on tight.  Of course I have read this happening to others but after having a miscarriage that started this way, Im a little worried.

8dp5dt and just two days away from my first Beta and I am now started to feel like I don’t want to go…

When is it ok to be happy?

During this very long 2ww wait I have been following some other bloggers journeys and have been saddened and scared for a few of you out there.  Please know that I am thinking of all of you and hoping for the best outcomes in your future.

At my 4dp5dt I broke down and purchased a few boxes of HPT’s and ended up running into a Baby R’s to use the bathroom (yes, I am that crazy).  It came up pregnant and I was happy to see those words but not like the last time.  I keep remembering what happened to us in December and want to go into all of this cautiously.  I really don’t think I will be happy until I am past the 12wk point as we just don’t seem to have normal chromosome embryos that continue growing past 8 or 9wks.

I of course am now obsessing over POAS and have sometimes test once in the AM and once in the afternoon (afternoon always gives me a darker line).  I want to see the line go from faint to a darker line each day.  I am constantly touching my boobs to see if they are still sore or if that symptom is going away. I keep trying to read my body to see if I have any other symptoms, which I have not. I did get twinges and cramps the first 4 days post transfer but those have disappeared. Can I also mention the anxiety that I feel on daily…urgh when do we get to be normal again?  When is it ok for us to see a positive result and be happy?

 

 

Fair kind of day

This morning was my FET and it started out with waking up early, showering with unscented products and make myself a protein rich breakfast. We had about an hour drive which ended up taking a little longer due to traffic which of course made my husband a little flustered. I decided to listen to my Circle and Bloom FET on my iPod shuffle trying to keep myself nice and relaxed, it kind of worked.

We arrived and where surprised to see only two other women waiting for their transfers…slow day I guess.  We changed into our lovely gown and scrubs and my vitals where  taken by one of the old betties.  Once our little embie was thawed out I was given the OK to take my valium (yay).  We where also given a picture of our little blob..

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Graded as a Fair Blast and he/she needed a little Assisted Hatching, we thought it looked a little out of sorts and that we will need to pray lots for this little one.

They then had me walk into the operating room and had me lay down on the bed with my legs up in those fun things then asked me if I was comfortable after tilting the table so my head was closer to the floor and my legs where up…umm if you think anyone would be comfortable with there woohoo out for everyone to see, there is something a little strange about you!

I was then told that I did not do a great job filling my bladder but apparently it was not a problem as it is easy to get to my uterus.  I was asked if I had been taking the PIO injections and was then told that he preferred the PIO because it was less messy (thanks doc). The doc then did his magic and did the transfer and handed me a US picture, can you spot the white dot..

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I was then asked to walk back out and change, then we where back on the road to head back home. The valium did not really kick in until I stood up to leave the operating room so I was a nice chilled out ride.

Here are the instructions I was given by the nurse, I think they are pretty standard..?

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Got home and took a nice nap until a good friend stopped by to see how I was doing. Once the valium stopped working have had some light cramping which I guess can be normal.

Now I am enjoying some chicken dumpling soup and catching up on some emails. I am hoping I do not test before my beta on the 12th. There are not tests laying around the house so hopefully that will keep me from temptation.

Pre-OP Day

Yesterday they had me on 4 Estrogen patches and I was feeling a little cra-zzzy to say the least! I was one happy camper this morning to take those four patches off and replace them with two.

This morning marks my CD20 and my pre-op for my FET on Monday. My weight was taken (sadly it was a few lbs heavier then before), blood was drawn, blood pressure was taken (110/60) and temp for my pre-op.  The US tech was cheering me on with lots of nice comments for a hopeful future as she checked out my lining (10).  My RN asked me how many embryo’s we wanted transferred in which I replied..”we only have one, so one will have to do”. She was also training a new nurse that has joined the office. We talked about consent forms, the day of FET, medical history, PIO injections and then just a fun little convo about how life is going.  So now I just have to wait until this afternoon to call into the phonetree to confirm my blood work was ok and that we start the PIO injections this evening…not really looking forward to that one!

This cycle I have been a little more carefree about everything, I didn’t want to think too much about the future as I find myself obsessing and planning ahead.  I DO hope that this works for us and that we do not have to go through anymore treatments!

 

 

CD10 of my FET cycle

Today marks my CD10 of my first FET cycle and it has been a breeze so far.  I take my Lupron in AM and my Estrogen patch goes on every other day (it is a little itchy but otherwise unnoticeable).

As for my mental health, I have started looking at baby and maternity clothes again so I will take that as a positive.  I have not broken down and purchased any except a few clothes for my nephews (1 1/2yr old and 6 yr old).

Sometimes I still break down wether it be from something on TV or seeing someone pregnant.  Its still difficult going onto FB and seeing everyone with there growing families, so I try to stay off of it.

I did read about a fellow blogger getting a positive pregnancy test after her FET cycle and am thrilled for her but it also brought up some feeling from my failed IVF cycle. I remembered the happiness of getting my own positive test and first betas for it only to come crashing down on us a few weeks later. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, wondering if I will ever have a baby..

We have this FET cycle and if this does not work we have one more Fresh Cycle and that will be it for us.  We cannot finically carry on with fertility treatments once our Attain contract is up in Sept. If we had insurance to cover any of our IVF costs then it would have been a different story but unfortunately we have had to pay for everything out of pocket. So we just need this to work for us!